Day dreaming

Yesterday was a long day. I spent most of it running around. I was told that the moon was full last night but from where I was looking I did not see it. So at the end of the day, I opened up my very large bedroom window, propped up the pillows and just stared into the darkness out at my trees and the wooded area not too far. That is my view. I believe everyone should be so fortunate as to have something in life to look at and lose themselves in. I talk to God a lot. I talk to my guides a lot. Last night I was in an especially chatty mood. I gave thanks for the simple things, asked for protection on my friends and family, you know the basics. In a very short time spent at star gazing and gabbing with the Divine, I started to think about who I am and what my role is here. I questioned the amount of hate and harm in this dimension as well as realizing for every bad thing, for every harm done to one person, it is only a 1/10^th of what life is about and that if people could just stop and realize how much beauty there is maybe life wouldn’t be so bad for them.

I questioned why we would choose to reincarnate into a life that appears so dismal at times. Although we all have our own agenda and lessons, this thought process led me to yet another self discovery that I find to be true. We are as individuals composed of the sum of parts and experiences and references of every individual that has touched our lives. Good bad or indifferent, my entire existence is based upon my social ties, familial, friend, social, or romantic. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying we turn into our parents [nothing nearly as vague as this]. I am just saying it all leads back to personal choice. It’s a very daunting idea [when you start counting and comparing and realizing all your personal commitments] that every single one of them has left you with yet another puzzle piece to create the road going forward.

I am a gift. Good bad or indifferent, I am a gift. To know me would be to experience something like nothing you’ve ever experienced [never confuse self appreciation and love with ego and vanity-the two are very distinctive]. I have a deeply profound impact on peoples lives. As I watch people float in and out of my life I always wonder and smile about the experience taking with me the best possible part of them as to always surround myself with the good. The human mind is a complete enigma in the metaphysical sense. There are some answers we will just never know. What I have managed to do is erase the bad memories with people I have had less than amicable relations with. Friends and lovers alike. The real key here is that even though I do not remember the act so much any more [this is my way of building the bridge and dropping the baggage at the door] I will always remember the emotion, and the lesson. Fault is a human condition and is married to guilt. Fault and guilt make a great couple don’t they? It is very easy to attribute life’s wrong doings and upsets to one of those crazy kids. It was his fault, but it is her guilt that brings everything to the heat of the moment. I personally no longer subscribe to either of them and do not consider them in any of my social circles. People forget that guilt used to be married to shame. Until she got bored with him and jumped in bed with fault. The couple was so infamous that whenever you hear guilt’s name, shame usually follows behind. Guilt should only be felt when you do something wrong and even then it can be repaired and made right. Never for the choices you’ve made in hopes of bettering yourself or removing yourself from a situation that could be toxic. Shame should in my mind be non existent. That emotion is an instant setup for failure. Shame is based [solely based] on others opinions [and when it comes to opinions about yourself at the end of the day what YOU think about you is the only thing that matters]. Regret is something people do not understand in this life. There are some things you cannot take back, like words. There are actions committed by humans that you cannot reverse as well, such as murder, rape, abuse, cruelty. If you lead a life void of these things, regret should never be uttered from your lips. I have no regrets and I am extremely peaceful about it. I am human remember? I am a complete and utter mess of a woman LOL. I often joke that I am like a train wreck. You just can’t help but watch me as I flyby and derail. But none of it in a bad way. When I was a little girl my friends mother called me the white tornado. Whipped in, whipped out! Leaving a trail of excitement everywhere I went.

I have derailed this post many times thus far and I know my thoughts are scattered but this is the beauty of a blog. Not everything has to be concise and to the point. There must always be room for new things. Live your life with no regret, and realize that you too are a gift. Good, bad, or indifferent.

Namastae